Friday, March 26, 2010

All Insects Are Out to Get Me

I'm not often a paranoid person. (Hm...that statement may not actually be true.) Nevertheless, I am constantly worried about running into bugs of any size, shape or affiliation. The sad thing is that most of the time I don't have to worry about these tiny critters, but inevitably one will appear where I've most dreaded finding one.

Take, for instance, the time that I found a lady bug in my underwear drawer. To be honest, anything remotely suspicious in the underwear drawer is cause for great alarm- especially if it moves by itself. Let's just say it took me a little longer to get dressed (due to inspections) for a few days after that experience.

Then there are the bugs in my food scenarios. I've already professed my love for coffee, so the few times I've found a bug in my coffee cup have been some of the more traumatic and disheartening moments of my life. (I only exaggerate slightly.) Then of course there's the time that I was happily eating my soup, only to find that, what I thought was a pea pod was really some hapless green insect. I actually remember spitting it out and telling my mom that I had a bug in my soup. She assured me I was imagining things, until she looked at it herself...then she stated emphatically that it was a bug after all. (Note to self: If Charlotte thinks she's eating a bug, assume she's correct.)

And then there's all those times that I see an insect-particularly a spider-in the car while I'm driving: sheer panic, I assure you. There once was a hopping spider that pretty much repelled down steering wheel- I'm certain if I hadn't killed him he would have eaten me. Although a bee in the car is no picnic either: once one flew into a Dunkin Donuts while I was at the drive through. But just as I was pulling away it flew in my car window and perched upon my groceries. (I had a 3 or 4 month old in the back so of course I had to stop and catch it in a cup and abandon the bee cup in the DD parking lot. It's what anyone would do, I'm sure. I've also had a bee fly in one window as I was driving 30+ mph. Seriously what are the odds that he and my open window would have intersecting paths?? He must have been a 007 Bee- and had timed his entry hours earlier based on intelligence he received from the queen bee.

But the event that sparked this blog actually occurred yesterday morning...I'm always a bit nervous about putting on my shoes or slippers on the off chance that a bug would be hiding there. Well yesterday it happened...I put my bare feet into my slippers and felt a little something (not quite warm and fuzzy) touch my foot. I instinctively pulled out and a little black thing fell out too. At first I looked at it and thought, oh silly me...another bit of fuzz is trying to trick me. But was a spider that was now balled up and dieing on my carpet. The willies would be an understatement. I promptly washed my slippers on the hottest water setting possible just in case the spider had deposited any offspring in the slipper. You can never be too careful.

And this is how I know that all insects are out to get me.

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